meine Essstörung Bulimie macht mich oft traurig

Bulimie – wenn schon, denn schon?

Erstellt von am in Allgemein

Bulimie? Ja, nehme ich! Ganz ehrlich, nur Fibromyalgie ist doch langweilig…

Nein, eine chronische Erkrankung reicht mir nicht, ich nehme die Essstörung auch noch! Die Beraterin bei Dick und Dünn hat mir erklärt, das eine Essstörung wie die Bulimie eine psychosomatische Erkrankung ist und es ganz wichtig sei, bei hohem Leidensdruck, wie ich ihn empfinde, fremde Hilfe in Anspruch zu nehmen.

Leute, ganz ehrlich – noch eine Therapie! Ich habe schon so viele Therapien gemacht und weiß nicht, ob ich das schaffe und ob ich das überhaupt will. Alles streubt sich in mir und mein Inneres fühlt sich an als hätte ich einen Igel verschluckt und nun kratzen seine Stacheln von innen an meiner Haut. Schrecklich! Mein Kopf sagt mir: „Geh einfach! Steh auf und geh! Das reicht“ Statt dessen bleibe ich sitzen, mit dem zerknüdelten tränennassen Taschentuch in der Hand und höre mir die Ratschläge der Beraterin an.

Woher soll ich wissen, ob das stimmt was sie sagt?

Ganz einfach: sie nennt mir fünf Kriterien nach dem eine Bulimie diagnostiziert werden kann.

  • „Fressattacken“ – essen und dabei die Kontrolle verlieren
  • der Wunsch das unkontrollierte Essen wieder rückgängig machen zu wollen, z.B. durch Erbrechen oder Fasten
  • kein Gefühl mehr für Hunger und Sättigung
  • die Gedanken kreisen die Ganze Zeit um das Thema Essen und Figur (zwanghaft)
  • Starker Leidensdruck – Depression

And thatˋs exactly me!

Ich habe keine Wahl: entweder finde ich jetzt die Beraterin doof oder ich höre auf die Augen zu verschließen. Mir ist schon länger bewußt, dass mit mir, mit meinem Essverhalten etwas nicht stimmt und ich bin sehr häufig sehr unglücklich darüber. Auf dem Heimweg ging mir durch den Kopf:

„Ich bin traurig, weil ich so viel esse. Und ich esse so viel, weil ich traurig bin!“

Meiner Traurigkeit auf den Grund gehen und für mich heraus finden, was mich tagtäglich seelisch so sehr belastet, ist für mich zweischneidig. Ohne die Fibromyalgie dafür verantwortlich machen zu wollen, stelle ich mal wieder fest, wie hart mein Leben mit diesem Dauerschmerz ist und wie sehr ich mir wünsche nur einen Tag oder eine Stunde schmerzfrei sein zu können.

Manchmal ist mir einfach nur zum heulen zumute. Trotzdem will ich mich meiner Essstörung stellen. Essen als Genuß und aufhören zu essen, wenn ich satt bin. Mich nicht wie besetzt von dem Thema essen fühlen, das wünsche ich mir. Es geht nicht anders, ich werde mir eine Therapeutin oder Terapeuten suchen und an einer Gruppen bei Dick und Dünn teilnehmen. Die Beratung dort war nämlich sehr gut!

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